THE KIDS A FULL-TIME COCA-COLA EMPLOYEE!!!

I prayed for this. I did.

I prayed my son would want to get a full time position at his current job. 

Hes a  part time employee for coke-cola warehouse, here in oklahoma city, oklahoma

He drives a forklift, and makes pallets for the trucks to deliver to places.

Hes a night shift employee.

And...i hate it! 

No even gonna lie. I hate it.

I take him in at 10pm, and sometimes get a call to go get him well before his scheduled time off of 6am, which means i leave my house around the 5am hour. I hate it. Hate it even more when its way before the scheduled time off...

For a while daniel never seemed interested in even asking for full time. Said the 3 nights he worked was enough. 

Yet, has dreams, that require...cash flow.

Cant full fill those without the cash to accomplish them. 

Recently, a friend of his told him hes quitting, moving onto another job, making more cash.

Told daniel to try for that position.

Last time daniel asked about full time he was told there was a 5 month? Or was it week? Waiting list. 

I told him to get on the list.

Then this guy gets a different job, tells daniel to try for it.

So...today, we went to see if hed get it.

In the meantime, he has a friend, also trying for this same job, or maybe asking for fulltime? Im not exactly sure, but maybe oscar (the friend) will get this job, and daniel wont...who knows. They are both trying at 3pm today. 

I neglected, when i prayed, to ask God for the full time job to be on the day shift. 

And as a result, ill have to suffer...

I should t complain, except im slready lacking sleep as a result of his working this part time night position, and its sbout to go 40 hours ( or the equvilant) full time. 

Maybe in another 7 months a day pisition will open up and hed consider taking it. 

He has friends on this shift, and changing positions is hard when you go to a new schedule and have to make all new friends and associates..i hate that part of any job, or move, or anything. I dont do change well. But thats me

Daniels taking  Steps to adulthood. One baby step at a time. 

Im not in a hurry to let him go, and he doesnt seem in a hurry to leave.

It works for me.

So, for the fact i can have my son, still in my life, i guess the night shift will be something i can get used to, if theres a consistsnt schedule (and im not called  to go pick him up st some insane hour like 3am or something).

UPDATE:
the freind has the same hours (so daniel says, anyway, was no real need for him to go try for the job.
we went to coke, daniel wasnt in there maybe 10 minutes returned with a whole new shedule.

8pm-6am 4 nights a week, wednesdays and saturdays off.

at least i can sleep..lol

pushes it tight tho for things to do in the evenings for church. but ill be ok, maybe craig can take him in instead, i dont have weekly things for church i do at night...its once a month, at best, but i do enjoy getting together, so maybe craig will sacrifice an hour for me to have some socialization with other females in my church.
well cross that bridge, i guess, when we get to it.

to celebrate i took daniel out to the movies, we hadnt been in a while to a theatre and i wanted some movie popcorn.
so we went to go see THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2- Angel of Death

i enjoy a good creepy movie, and this had that vibe.

best part? i paid 4 bucks for us to see the movie, daniel paid for the food, and spent like 26.00 lol
poor fella, got a full time job, and his mom exploided his good nature..lol

i DID ask, several times if he was sure he wanted to pay that much...he said yes, he would..lol

Michelle

STORY - PUSHUPS FOR DONUTS

There was a boy by the name of Steve who was attending school in Utah.In this school Seminary classes are held during school hours. Brother Christianson taught Seminary at this particular school. 

He had an open-door policy and would take in any student that had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went into Brother Christianson's Seminary class.

Steve was told that he could not be late, so he arrived just seconds before the bell rang and he would sit in the very back of the room. He would also be the first to leave after the class was over.

One day, Brother Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Bro. Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, "You think you're pretty tough, don't you?"

Steve's answer was, "Yeah, I do."

Then Brother Christianson asked, "How many push-ups can you do?"

Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

"200? That's pretty good, Steve," Brother Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?"

Steve replied, "I don't know... I've never done 300 at a time."

"Do you think you could?" Again asked Brother Christianson.

"Well, I can try," said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I need you to do 300 in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do
it? I need you to tell me you can do it," Brother Christianson said. Steve said, "Well... I think I
can... yeah, I can do it."

Brother Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, Brother
Christianson pulled out a big box of donuts.

Now these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream
centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited - it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend.

Bro. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want a donut?"

Cynthia said, "Yes."

Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"

Steve said, "Sure," and jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk.

Bro. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Bro. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe do you want a donut?"

Joe said, "Yes." Bro. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut.
And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their
donut.

And down the second aisle, till Bro. Christianson came to Scott.

Scott was captain of the football team and center of the basketball team. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When Bro. Christianson asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"

Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own pushups?"

Bro. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them."

Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?"

Steve started to do ten pushups. Scott said, "HEY!
I said I didn't want one!"

Bro. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Bro. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Bro. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?"
Jenny said, "No."

Then Bro. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve,would you do ten pushups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten, Jenny got a donut.

By now, the students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve was also having to really put forth a lot of effort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Bro. Christianson asked Robert to watch Steve to make sure he did ten pushups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. So Robert began to watch Steve closely. Bro. Christianson started down the fourth row.

During his class, however, some students had wandered in and sat along the heaters along the sides of the room. When Bro. Christianson realized this; he did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.
 
Bro. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Bro. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"

Bro. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your pushups. You can do them any way that you want."

And Bro. Christianson went on.
A few moments later, Jason came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!"

Jason didn't know what was going on.
Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."

Bro. Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him."
Steve said, "Yes, let him come in."

Bro. Christianson said, "Okay, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you
want a donut?"

"Yes."

"Steve, will you do ten pushups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Bro. Christianson finished the fourth row, then started on those seated on the heaters. Steve's
arms were now shaking with each pushup in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two girls in the room were cheerleaders and very popular. Bro. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?

Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

Bro. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?"

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda.
Then Bro. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"
Susan, with tears flowing down her face, asked, "Bro. Christianson , can I help him?"

Bro. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, he has to do it alone, Steve, would you do ten pushups so Susan can have a donut?"

As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Brother Christianson turned to the room and
said.

"And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, "Into thy hands I commend my spirit." With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he collapsed on the cross and died. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten."

IM A REBORN GORILLA AUNTIE!!!...Again!!! (ITS A BOY!)

not a mystery if you know me, you know i ADORE, LOVE, and am FASCINATED with Primates.
so much so, when i had an interest in becoming a reborn artist, i was pushed over the edge when i realized there were PRIMATE reborn Kits out there to do.

and intially, i was going to exclusvily work on primates and sell them to ppl.

never happened, i still have my 1st primate moneky kits undone, but i can say, i own every kit i have had assces to buing, since then, even a few limited edition ones.

so it is, in the circle, and community of reborners, you make really good freinds...and they watch your facebook feeds, and see your loves, likes, loyalties, hates, dislikes, and everything in between...

recently one of my facebook freinds...SAGE BUSH NURSERY
{you can find her facebook page here if your interested in possibly having one of these cute, adorable primate babies made for you...(i highly recommend her, shes great!)} announced to me, she was Primate Reborn Pregnant, and it turned out to be a girl, i have another blog about her here. feel free to get acquainted with my reborn primate niece. :)

well, primate reborns apparently have a very quick cycle, cause..SAGE told me the other day she was Reborn Expecting..AGAIN!!!
and today..we have the bouncing new bundle..and its a BOY!!!
shes named him ELVIS, after the famous singer (who happens to be my cousin 14 times over. pretty cool huh?)

i digress, lol..

ELVIS IS THE NEW PRIMATE ADDITON TO MY PRIMATE REBORN FAMILY..

ill have to make HIM something as well, for his being in the family..

WELCOME TO THE WORLD ELVIS!!...

Auntie Michelle

VALENTINES ANY OTHER WAY JUST WOULDNE BE AS FUN! (Valentines Day weekend speant at The Sanctuary OKC- Oklahomas Primier Haunted Attraction!)

so, im an actress, among other talents.

i work , most of the time as a volunteer (you have to really love the job, to get no pay, have rude patrons, be in the dark, cold/hot, and work on your feet from 8pm till midnight, and as late as 2am on super busy nights, gotta love doing it, for the sake of doing it...seriously) at Oklahomas Premier Haunted Attraction..The Sanctuary OKC.

Back story, just to get you up to speed:
 have to thank Andrea W. for even enlightening me about this place, i had no idea it even existed, for what ever reason, i wasnt in the loop of knowing about it until Andrea had asked me if i wanted to go to it, 2 years ago.
im down for anything fun, and exciting. so i said sure, i managed to convince  my guys (craig, and Daniel) to also go. bought our tickets online for the VIP access.
and went to have a little fun.
so, we go in, waited a few minutes.
it was our turn to have the walk through, and  we listened, and did the event.
LOVED IT!
wanted to be a aprt of ity, because when i was pregant with daniel, i worked another haunted house, so it would be like coming full circle to me, to do this again, this time WITH the kid, also acting..

so, that night, about midnight, 1am, whatever time it was i got in the door, i looked up The Sanctuary OKC online, and sent them an email asking if i could work for them, understanding it was going to be non paid (my other haunted house was also not paid)
so, that week, Daniel and myself had an interview, and a run down, and were hired.

that was thier 2nd year of being opened,

and my role was a disembowled paitient in a  surgical room.
next role was..a nun,
next role, i had craig in a room with me, and we played a couple.
next role i was a butcher cafe lady.
next role MRS CLAUSE (was the 1st year for that role, and i got to play it!)
then this weekends role: CANNIBAL LADY (one night with a daughter, last night with my husband)

so, valentines night, was spent scaring ppl in a dar building, where they have to walk through the entire, 3 floors in near pitch dark, with only a small pin-light on thier finger to have as any light source.

no candy, no gifts, no dinner out.
nope, hubby and i shared out night acting together in a room.

me, cannibal lady, he..PIG FACE!
and just to give you a sense of who craig is..he NEVER likes to be out front...EVER!, hes not a social butterfly (like me) hes not a chatter (like me), hes a behind-the-scenes-dont-wanna-be-out-there kinda guy. and thats fine. its just the way he is. i couldnt expect him to be anything more.
we thought, he was gonna do his regular thing, run the barrels, hes the "best barrel dropper they have ever had", so we thought (cause we were told) hes be doing his regular dropping barrels onto ppl.
but when we get there, they decided to have him work my room (the cafeteria)...
and, he was gonna be, my hubby...(perfect for him, by the way..lol)

i had been wearing, for a small time a pig face, but because i have a bad eye, and a strpbe light in the hallway next to me going off, my left eye ould compensate for the quick change in light, and it just looked like a completely blacked out area, and my right eye couldnt focus (cause i wasnt wearing my glasses, how odd would that look under a pig mask)...so i took that thing off, at about thr 10 minutes in, mark.
but suggeste craig wear it last night.
so he did.

and he had a ton of scares!!! FOR A GUY WHO WONT ACT!!!
hed stand still, and wait for them to hit his own cued marker he  devised, then take a step and growl at them...most ran towards the door, out and away from him...he did great!
so, yeah...

this familys a little on the oddball side..

oh..where was daniel?
he agreed to come in and work, if i cut his hair, so i did...
he was "in the closet" (LOL, im kidding!) around the corner from me 3 rooms away.
i could hear him when hed make his heavy chain rattle.
so we were all on the same floor, just like last year. (daniel was in the classroom across from the hallway were i am.)

so..HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! from the WACKO WILLIAMSON FAMILY!!! lol

ARTICLE (NEWS) - First Gray Wolf Spotted At Grand Canyon In 70 Years Shot Dead By Hunter

First Gray Wolf Spotted At Grand Canyon In 70 Years Shot Dead By Hunter

by Ari Phillips Posted on February 12, 2015

Original article can be found online here

Officials have confirmed that the first gray wolf seen around the Grand Canyon in 70 years was killed in December by a hunter in southern Utah after he mistook it for coyote. The three-year-old female, named “Echo” through a contest held with hundreds of schoolchildren, was the first gray wolf to be spotted in the region since the 1940s. After being collared in Wyoming in early January 2014, the wolf had ventured at least 750 miles into the new territory — further evidence that gray wolf populations are coming back from the brink of extinction after decades of reckless killings.

“The fact the Echo had ventured into new territory hopefully signifies that there is still additional habitat where this vulnerable species can thrive and survive,” Nidhi J. Thakar, deputy director of the public lands project at the Center for American Progress, told ThinkProgress.

While the gray wolf may be making a comeback it still occupies only around 10 percent of its historic range, according to the Center for Biological Diversity, which states that researchers have identified more than 350,000 square miles of unoccupied suitable wolf habit including remote stretches of the southern Rockies, Adirondacks, Sierra Nevada, and Cascade mountains. In the mid-20th century, the only places gray wolves could be found in the U.S. included a slice of northern Minnesota and Michigan’s Isle Royale.

The coyote hunter who shot Echo, and whose name has not been released, reported the killing to authorities as an accident. Gray wolves are on the Endangered Species Act and it is illegal to kill them anywhere in the U.S. except Idaho and Montana, eastern Washington and Oregon, and northeastern Utah. According to the Center For Biological Diversity, this partial removal of federal protections in the Northwest has lead to the deaths of thousands of wolves through state-authorized hunting and trapping in recent years. Congress is now considering a legislative rider that would preclude protecting wandering wolves like Echo, according to the wildlife conservation group.
“Echo’s killing illustrates the perils that wolves face and the imperative to maintain federal protections as called for under the science-based standards of the Endangered Species Act,” said Michael Robinson of the Center for Biological Diversity, in a statement. “Keeping wolves on the endangered list is the basis for the public education we need, to enable more wolves to live and thrive and minimize conflict.”

There are now more than 6,000 gray wolves in the continental United States, concentrated in Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin, as well as the Rocky Mountain states of Idaho, Montana, and Wyoming, and eastern Oregon and Washington.

As urban boundaries sprawl across the West — encroaching further into wild areas suitable for large animals such as wolves — the issue of co-existence becomes more important as animals have limited alternative habitat to retreat into. While ranchers and sportsmen are familiar with the challenges of habituating among wild animals, larger and denser developments can cause the tensions to escalate.
“As urban habitats expand into undeveloped areas there is an increasing challenge with ensuring wolves can peacefully co-exist with humans,” said Thakar.

Existing with humans means far more than just learning how to cross the street: on top of sprawling development, expansive ecological damage associated with climate change and fossil fuel extraction cause massive habitat degradation. Even the species that thrive in this new human-dominated era, such as coyotes, are caught in a continuous struggle — and the results can be surprising.

This year a black bear killed a hiker in New Jersey for the first time in over 150 years as the bear population grows and spreads throughout the state. Polar bear attacks on humans are increasing in areas around the Arctic. And a new hybrid between coyotes and wolves, the coywolf, is rapidly expanding across the East as it combines the prowess of a wolf and cunning of a coyote — a bad combination for deer, another species that is thriving across suburban America.

With more species struggling to survive in a dramatically altered wild, this co-existence with unfamiliar species may become increasingly common as human populations continue to grow, urbanize, and demand more resources.

ITS SOMETIMES IN THE SMALLEST OF GESTURES THE GREATEST HAPPINESS & HOPE COMES

its no secret that my son struggles with a testimony of any gospel.

i believe he does believe in a higher power he calls God, but i think thats where it stops.
im not even sure he believes in a Jesus, to be honest.

hes so much like my mother, who had to look at everything with a science mind.
if it could be explained away by logic, and physics, and science, that HAD to be the way it was.
hes just the same, always looking for the answer in the science, or explanation.

never trusting and leaning on faith.

a few weeks ago, the sister missionaries and my husband and i were talking in the hallway by the family history room, and somehow daniel came up in the conversation, they asked who he was.
i knew they most likely hadnt crossed paths with him much, because they dont run in the same circles...but he is usually at church on wednesday nights, so they should have seen him, at least.

without batting an eye, craig tells them hes there, in the gym, and hes 20..and just general stuff.
i added he was super cute and handsome..lol

so, we walk down to the gym, i point him out, make sure they know who he is, and walk around to the other door to not make it look like i had anything to do with them asking him about himself.

they were talking to hm, when i walked up, and were in the middle of asking him if hed attend the Singles Family Home Evening. (a Mormon weekly family activity night).
i walked up, he right away said, he knew i had something to do with it...
but..amazing to me, he agreed to go, asked if id take him...

well, monday night came, and he decided to not go, because he got a new game for his xbox1

just now (tuesday,  february 10) i got a call from the sister missionaries...
asking if i thought daniel would be at church on wednesday, and could they talk to him.

hes better to get in person than try to obligate over the phone, if he has enough time to avoid, hell avoid. so, i told them to snag him at church on wednesday.

i also, told them to make sure they spoke with me about what to look for in his body cues for when hes listening and engaged, and when hes not, and tuned anyone out. i really do know him that well.

the point for this blog, is,
these 2 young ladies, sister missionaries for my church...who are the 1st ones who are aggressively trying.
no one else has really made an effort...
i mean they socialize with him when they see himn, ask how he is, but no ones asked him to anything to do with his age..or inquired of him anything deeper...
these 2 went straight in for the kill...
sure, its part of their job, but it still. means so much more to me...than a number.
my kids more than a statistic, more than a number on a roster, hes a soul, struggling with whats truth and not truth.

the trying these 2 ladies are doing means everything to me.

i dont expect huge landmark results, but i can hopefully see slight change, even if theres no change, i am so appreciative that SOMEONE has thought enough of my son to engage him in some religious meaning.

it frightens me, seriously makes me quiver to think, when i die, ill have no way to comfort my son in the most trying time of his life...and that alone, will break him, or build him, and i think...its will lean more towards a break.
he has been my EVERYTHING..
and i have devoted most of our lives together to my focus being on him. as he has gotten older i have pulled away, but not completely, hes still my child. ill always want the best for him, always hope for better for him, always want him to succeed...

So i wasnt sure how to end this blog...i have so much to say emotionally about it, but cant find the words, and last night (feb 12, several days since i started this entry) i was at a church function. For women. 

And the bishop (what we call a pastor) got up and started to talk about  pepper plant he was attempting to plant thats stem broke off, and he tossed the stem off to the side. 

Planted the root end, and watered and took care if his garden.

A few days later, he noticed this stem was still green, not necessarily thriving, but it wasnt dead either.
so he took that stem, because it was still alive, and plopped that thing in the ground...and it..started to grow, not like the others, it was slow, and smaller, and far less than the other plants were, but..it grew, 

and to bishop hardys amazment it produced a pepper!

And he made an analogy. 

ppl are often like the stem, tossed to the side, because the challenge to reach them seems impossible to break.

Ppl have dormant testimonies. And we think the effort, or the continual failed effort to try will lead no where with an individual. 

Were not to judge that person, for what we see as a failed effort in our part. 

Often what we do, to help a soul grow, an flourish, wont be seen by you, the gardener at hand. Its seen by others as the fruit of your efforts.

keep planting, anyway.
keep watering anyway,
keep shining, anyway

 

reminds me of this quote by Mother Theresa

 

needles to say, par for the course if who i a, thinking about my son being a tossed aside pepper stem, made me...cry..and i did...
its a common joke among those i love, that ill cry when i start to talk about my son.
its true, i do, cause my hearts so swollen for him and torn in so many directions, and so filled with love for him...it all bubbles up and spills out my eyes.
im human. forgive me.

We are all like this stem, broken, hungry, seeking to thrive. Some are stubborn, some are prideful, some are confused, some seem to not care, others dont, not right now...theres a million reasons why ppl dont have a testimony..thats not for anyone to judge them for, but to love them through.

Plant them anyway, keep watering them, shine sun on them...eventually, a fruit may come.

These 2 sister missionaries, weather they know it or not..are the gardeners for my son right now.

And maybe tonight (if he goes to church) they can catch him to talk to him...without me being there. 

And they can help to grow a struggling testimony. 

They have no idea how much i appreciate them and just the effort, even if we see no fruit come from this at all. Its the effort. The acknowledgment that Daniel IS important to God, and the entire universe. Not just to me, his mother. 

Im like any other mom out there, i want the best for my son, and i struggle inside myself with when to hang on and when to let go.

Thats where God comes in i guess, Hes there to catch when your just not sure. 

Its no secret. I love my kid with an intense passion. 

If he reads this, i want him to know, i just want you to be on the other side with me and we know each other. We wont be strangers. Well be family.

Daniel, you mean everything i have ever dreamed of, to me.

I want you to know the same joy i have within me.
But your gonna have to take a leap of faith, and trust that mysteries you can explain away are just as important as the ones, you cant, and maybe they were all designed by the same Master.
i want you, to be able to know, after this life, you can be with YOUR kids...trust me it will mean mountains of everything to know that you can.
i want you to know that no matter how hard, and difficult life is and will get (and it will trust me, oh it will!) that Gods always right there, Hell never walk away, that you can be and do ANYTHING and hell always still love you, more than even i do..
i want you to know that every promise, and blessing in the bible, and give to you, and told to you, can..be all yours!
i want you to know that, i have done everything for you..so you could have what i didnt, and part of that i failed on, and i am sorry, i negelcted the church part, i never helpped you fevelop a good foundation in the gosple, and thats comepletely on me...and i take ownership and repsonisbility for that. i wont deny, in that area i sucked as a mother.
but you have freedome and accountability now, and cant crutch on my mistake as your reasons for not  seeking the higher road, and the deeper meaning.
your old enough now, to walk this path, like i had to, on my own, with no one there, to figure it all out.
trust, Daniel.that the steps TOWARDS God, will be good and rewarding, dont look for it to fail...look for the blessings.
always remember we have to suffer the stor before we can ever see the rainbow, so it is with life, trials and tribulations, and heartache, and pain will always preceade peace, and happiness.
always in the middle of an issue, seek the rainbow..

Just trust, Daniel, my best advice is to Trust in God. He wont let you down.
His answers wont be on your time, always on his, but hell always answer. Always!

I love you, mamma

BECAUSE ITS A CAUSE....CAPS FOR CHEMO KIDS...OR...HAPPY CAPS

So, at hubbys company party, i cnat remember how weceven got tonthe dubject, to be honest, but it came up ( by myself) that i crochet.

All pf a sudden, the woman i was talking to got all excited and mentioned that hubbys company has a cause they are invovled with.

It was news to me, and this was my 3rd company party i was attending gor this vimpany.

Anyway, she wasctelling me aboutbthis cause where they wnated ppl who could crochet, knit, loom, (im adding sewing) can make caps and hats forvtheseckidscin this cause that havevto go through chemo thereapy. 

She didnt havevto sell me, i was allready intrigued when she said cause..lol

It just happens i crochet, so my talent can becused for this. 

The basics (and im repeting what i was told im still awaiting an official email to give me details) arecthat we take the time to create the caps/ hats and they pay for the yarn.

Im not sure if theybpay for shipping, but im willing to do thatbto get abgroup going for this  cause.

So i posted a blip aboutbit in a group i adim, had ppl interested. 

Made a post on facebook, and more ppl

Now, i want to make another group, just for this to keep info in one place, share patterns, ideas, pics, etc...

This is a good thing.

Im so pleased my hubbys comapny is investing in this cause. 

So much good can come from doing something dor someone else.

More info to come.

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ellieshats

Web page: http://ellieshats.org

Hubbys workplace on the webpage and why they decided this cause

http://ellieshats.org/foxhole-technology-helps-launch-ellies-brigade/

Michelle

STORY - Everyone Was Warned Not to Touch Him – But This Guy Did

Everyone Was Warned Not to Touch Him – But This Guy Did

Yvonne Holterman | January 13, 2015

Original online story can be found here.

Man picks this cat up off the ground and tries to carry him home. Then something heartbreaking happens…
(grab a tissue, this may make your heart melt.)

Everyone in the apartment complex where I lived knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident Tomcat.

Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting eating, garbage, and shall we say love. The combination of these things combined with the life spend outside had their effect on Ugly.
To start with, he only had one eye, and where the other should of been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the other side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time. and he healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped- type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs.

Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. “That’s one Ugly cat!!”

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come close to their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.

Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there getting soaked until you gave up and quit. if you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, or whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly’s sad life was almost at an end.
Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him whizzing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging and suckling sensation on my ear – Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously trying to suckling my ear. I pulled him closer to me and he bump the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scared cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I though Ugly was the beautiful, loving creature I have ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion of what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me about more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk shows special ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I care for.
Many people want to be richer, more successful, well like, beautiful,  but for me, I will always try to be Ugly!

this story touched me...and thats why i wanted to post it to my blog.

 

yesterday, i was with a church companion, and we visited another sister in my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints AKA: Mormon).

we have a program where we have a set of female congregational members, assigned to every other female, so ever female has someone come by at least once a month (or writes, or prays for them) to make sure they are ok, and we share a message.

 

so, the message was about the Attributes of Jesus Christ. (that message can be found here )

and one point marcia (my companion) had brought up was what the difference of PURITY and PERFECTION was.

i only reference that in this..as theres a part in the story where the author talks about purity.

i digress, my point for blogging this story, was because i have said for a long time, that all anyone (anything, really) wants is to be loved.

thats it.

loved with a purity, no restrictions, no demands, no limits, no reasons..just. plain. loved.

no matter what wrong, we have done, we know that person still loves us.

thats what we want.

animals, i feel, have emotion, ive said this for years, and i think are very much like us..they want to be loved.

no matter how mean we are, a dog will still..wag its tail when it sees us..for the love. a cat, will usually pur when we pet it, and they are filled with an attitude, most of the time, lol

this story, reminded me, on some level, were all broken, and hurting, or at least seeking a higher love than ourselves. 

i know im broken, have been for a long time, its taken me years to find the right glue" to patch my broken heart.

and i wear it on my sleeve.

i am effected by my past. 

its always there, in my face, and all i wanted was the love from a mother.

i never had a dad to get it from, so my only option was my mom. and she lacked (to me anyway) in the loving department...she was a rpvider, a good one, cant fault that..but she didnt show me love.

its taken me almost 50 years to realize, she never loved herself, enough to give to me.

we have to won it first before we can share it with others. and thats often (in my case anyway) a long hard deep hurting road we walk.

how often do we really appreciate the love someone else shows us in return if we do get it? or are we suspicious of its reasons?

i try to love ppl with the same love i have for my son..

if i say i love you, thats because i really do.

i feel a deep bond, and will think of that person all the time, in different ways and situations.

im an admin for a group on facebook with nearly 4K ppl in it (to date) and i think of my admins, almost the entire time im away from the group. wondering if they are struggling, having issues with members, are they frustrated? angry? upset at another member? 

most of the time, they are fine...

but i worry, because i dont want them to suffer any more pain and issue than they should.

i think of friends, all the time, even ones from my days in Bethesda MD). i wonder how they are, if lifes treating them ok. are they hurting. and if so, i pray they come through it without scars.

i think of my best friend, sandy..shes like a sister to me, and altho she makes some pretty crappy choices, it doesnt warrant me to let her go, and dump her. i cant save her, but i can always love her...and i want desperately for her to see her value within herself...but thats a struggle she has to face within her own person. i can always be there when shes ready..but i cant hand those precious keys over.i dont own hers...i only own mine.

i think of former co-workers, and ppl i pass on the street and simply say hello to. 

i try to love everyone.

im not gonna lie, some ppl are harder to love...that makes the challenge of acting in purity its finest.

without the  conflict, theres never growth.

you have to have  strife, to grow...

 

a seed PUSHES through the dirt to pop its blossom out...

a child, is SQUEEZED by muscles and organs and thrust into the world at birth.

we can not...become better if we are never challenged.

we HAVE to suffer something to appreciate the difference from where we were to where we end up.

in the end, what we do effects other. and we have a deeper love (if it was goodness we shared) towards them, which lends itself to a purity in love.

im this sad kitten, broken, hurt, longing, for someone to just scoop me up and love me. (mainly my mom, who sadly isnt here any longer, doesnt take away the fact i ach for that love from her)

i see it more and more every day..ppl in my life willing to cry with me, over things i have emotions for, ppl who share sentiments with me on facebook, because it makes them think of me, ppl who go out and get me things because i like them..

i am loved.

and i can see it now, more and more.

what i lack in my mothers aection, is given to me in sprinkles with others around me.

i am NOT forgotten...

(im gonna go religious here, forgive me if its not your thing)
 

God has NEVER stopped loving me. EVER, no matter what i have done, or what condition i am in, or how i look, or the way i behave..HE STILL loves me.

and i believe, has these other ppl in my life to fill the void...

it will never fill it comepltely, but it sure does help to remember that because i am who i am, Hes always going to provide, even when to me it seems completely hopeless.

the pain and loss of my mom may never ever go away, but it is being healed. day by day.

that love, helps me to be a better person...that love helps me to grow.

if you see someone struggling, whats your reaction? do you walk by and  hope you forget them? or do you stop, and extend a hand...

are you everyone else? or are you the guy who helped "Ugly" the cat? 

because some of us are  "Ugly" and all we need is compassion...

some of us only want to be...loved.

Michelle

DNA MAY POINT ME IN A DIRECTION I HAVENT LOOKED IN (STILL seeking my Dad)

so, for those who dont know, ill let you know something.

at my church i am whats called a: Family History Consultant.
basically, i help ppl with their family history, and searching for family.

back story..

i dont know my dad, its been an issue my entire life, because the info i have is very limited.
i was told, (by my mom) that he left us, when we lived in Van Nuys Cali, when i was 2 years old (1969ish).
he was married (unconfirmed) to a woman in Utah , and had 3 sons (uncomfirmed)
married to my mom (she says, i have never seen document to show that to be a fact)
married to another woman , also in cali, who had a daughter about 4 years older than myself. (unconfirmed for both)

and..he was never divorced from any of them, so he was what most ppl would call: a bigamist.

as a side not, whats funny, is i am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
most ppl know my faith by the nickname: Mormon

and ppl STILL , even tho it hasnt been a way of life for over 100 years or more, STILL think we marry more than one wife (or the husbands would).
and its just kinda funny, not like hillarious funny, just ODD funny, that he had/has this past, and im a member of a faith thats got a history of that kinda thing.
and i dont know if hes ever been a member or not.

my info on my dad has come from just my mom, and i know for a fact this man existed, because my aunt has met him, so there has been SOMEONE who stood as that person in my life.

i have looked for him online since 1999, when i created my online ID. and have had NO success...ANYWHERE!
i was so excited when the 1940 census was opened up, i waited with baited breath to look for him, and came out...devastated.

back to my position in my church..

i was called (asked to do this position) about 5 years ago, now.
and i had serious reservations about doing it, because i knew finding him anywhere on any site, in any family tree was already tough, and here id be helping other ppl find family, and watching them get excited, and thrilled, and make headway, and id be...stuck.
and emotionally, that was going to be a hard place to sit and be ok with.
and i asked God, every Sunday, WHY ? WHYYY was i called to THIS position...

recently i had a breakthrough to do with my faith, that has settled some of my aggrivation about not finding this man..

but, still...5 years later, hes no easier to find than he was on day one.
i have grown to accept the fact that he may never be found.
i have come to the thinking hes not the name id know him as, he has another name, but with no data to know for sure...i cant find him under anything, other than what i have info on, because its all i was given.

2 weeks ago, i was in our Family History room, and was discussing, again, the fact hes unknown, and hard to find...and the suggestion came up that i should do a DNA and see where that took me.
on one site, the DNA will show you other ppl in the same DNA as you, you may actually be connected too.

so, i resolved, at some point this year, id do a DNA...never know...maybe ill find a sibling, or...HIM!
at best, ill see where my DNA  sits across the world.
and thats pretty cool, to see where the DNA i have stems from regionally wise.

so, i made a resolve, id do a DNA ..one day. put that off to some place in the back of my head, and didnt give it really much more thought.

the other day, on facebook, a member of my congregation, said she had bought 2 DNA tests by accident, only needed one, and was anyone interested in her other one.
by the time i saw the note, i was sure someone else had allready asked to have the test, but i told her on Facebook, id want it.

opened up facebook today, and she said shed have it for me.

 so, at some point, ill own my own DNA kit, to send off and have proccessed, and, then, eventually have some kinda result.

will it lead me to my dad? maybe. maybe not.
but it can show me more than what i have now. and you cant go wrong with that.

am i excited? YES! YES I AM!

theres a few tests out there, and im not sure which one she has, when i get it ill add a blog about it, what i did, how i did it, etc.

Michelle